I can tuck mytits in my pants
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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