An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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