just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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