she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
