dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
