I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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