Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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