i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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