Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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