called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
