So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
