nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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