you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
