I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
