if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
