he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
