If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
