I look better un-naked...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
