well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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