He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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