Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
