i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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