You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
