fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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