i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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