Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
