You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
