mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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