Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
