You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
