somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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