I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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