It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
