Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
