just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's blow job season.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
