Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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