is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
