she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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