She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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