If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
