my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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