So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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