remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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