he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
