I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
