I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
