I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I love having hate sex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
