her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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