How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
