Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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