After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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