At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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