who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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